I still think apologies are stupid (but only most of the time)

When I was a kid, and having one of the (in retrospect, many) passive-aggressive-cold-war-turned-violent-blood-feud fights that my siblings and I used to engage in when we were all stuck at home yet sick to death of the sight of each other, I would often be ordered to ‘say sorry, or I’m telling!’

More often than not, if intimidation and/or psychological warfare had failed to force my victim to admit it was their own fault the whole time, I tended to turn pious. “But why should I say sorry?” I’d ask, folding my arms and shrugging, which was my pretend ‘let’s just level with each other’ stance. “I know I’m not sorry. You know I’m not sorry. Do you want me to tell a lie? Lying’s a sin, you know. I’m surprised you’re trying to get me to do that.”

Sometimes it worked (meaning, they gave up). Sometimes it didn't.

a medium-length ramble

begin with the assumption

that you are Enough.

I currently have these words hanging on my wall, above my desk, right next to my computer screen. I hung them there because a) I am one of those people that hangs “inspirational quotes” on my walls; I have hung them on post-its and post-cards and the backs of playbills and the corners of napkins and, when I am feeling particularly strongly, I have occasionally scrawled them on my own skin, in permanent ink so that they stay there long enough that my eyes have memorized their shape by the time they’re gone

And b)

BREAKTIME

It's time for THE BEST DAY OF THE WEEK!

Happy Thorsday!
And for bonus points: Agent Coulson!

{insert something clever here}

Good afternoon and Happy Wednesday, people of the internet!

At one point, I drafted a terribly long and thinky and super-seriously overblown blog post meant to reintroduce myself in this space, but then I lost it in an explosion of visitors and overdue paperwork. In the long run, I'm glad I did, because it was so awful, guys. Suffice to say that I'm back, I've got a whole pile of new and exciting and slightly different things I might be writing about, and I will also include the occasional life update, as it occurs to me, because it's been brought to my attention that certain of you would sure like to know I am still alive. Fair enough!

For now, though...because they are definitely more interesting than me rambling on in the abstract about where my head's been lately...delicious links!

AFP being awesome (as per usual)

If we know each other very well at all, you will already be aware of my mad fangirling feels about Amanda Palmer. This is a link to her blog post thanking all the people who helped with her recent TED Talk (which was lovely and you should watch it if you haven't already!), and I am pretty much in love with how she does music, celebrity, vulnerability, people and life in general. Especially in this instance - it's not usually that sexy to talk in detail about all the little random people who have held you up on your way to rockstar-dom (literally or figuratively), but she makes a point of it, and yes, she makes it sexy. Here's the creative process, she says - no, there's no loner genius here; instead it's a hundred drafts and a thousand cups of tea and a million listening, critiquing, encouraging friends. Read her. Listen to her. Love her. Join the movement. You're welcome.

The Middle.

I've been following this blogger named Jamie The Very Worst Missionary for awhile now, off and on, and aside from being a refreshingly Real person (dude, she talks about poop way too much to be a proper Christian blogger; it's great), she occasionally hosts her awesome friends to talk about important things - in this case, God, Jewish holidays, categories, and living in the tension. I'm not Jewish, but I live on the Christianity spectrum, and the philosophy behind this post feels a lot like the places my God And The Universe-related thoughts have been exploring lately.

Vintage.Black.Glamour.

I think the title says it all, really. I could try to come up with something profound about blackness and beauty and portrayals as they change over time, but I think we're all smart enough to just mentally fill that in...

In other news, the show I'm stage managing closes on Sunday (that went fast!), I've got at least two more projects lined up for after that, and life is goooood, if slightly hectic! Thanks for reading, friends. Be back in a bit.

~L

it's only been...what, two months?

Holy crap.
*awkward cough* Well, I have been away for awhile, now, haven't I? Just walked off for the paper one day and never came back. Awkward.

HI GUYS! (If indeed any of you are still reading here.)

So, updates:

1. I am currently in the middle of experiencing my first Chicago winter. Wheeee! Currently, I believe there is less than a foot of snow outside, so that's not so bad, but I think all my boots and pant-hems are going to be salt-stained forever.

2. Am stage managing a show called Body of Water at Redtwist Theatre. Today, I got my comp tickets - six for previews, two for the run. I am secretly hoping my parents can come for the run, but if anyone wants to come to a preview night of my show, come get it!

3. Job searching again. I'm still employed at the clothing store, and it's lovely, but have reentered the market for something better. Aside from the overall cost of living/paying off my loans, I need to start saving up because...

4. I hope to be moving this summer! Not far; still in Chicago and in all likelihood within walking distance of where I am now. But I plan to be sharing an apartment with an old friend. The specifics are super-secret yet, since nothing is really quite planned/worked out. But. It will be REALLY exciting if we can pull it off, and I will most likely not be able to shut up about it.

5. Also (and you must have known this was coming, surely),
HAPPY THOR'S DAY.

Nice hammer, sweetheart.

6. PS Boston was AWESOME.
...
Anyway, I hope to get back to posting, at least off and on. I realized recently that this blog is pretty much the only way half my folks from home still know I'm alive and not, I dunno, starving to death in an alley somewhere (not yet!).
If you're so inclined, you should leave a comment and tell me what's been new and exciting in your lives while I've been away!

the fiiiiinal countdooooown....

Afternoon, friends.
It is one of those days when I can't remember When I am. Like, at all. I woke up convinced it was November, and Wednesday, and about three hours later than it actually was.
So far, I'm blaming the deadlines.

a tribute.

Sometimes I get horribly lonely here. Mostly it hits in the mornings - I'll think, if I never even get out of bed today, who will notice or care?, and What's the point if moving away from home if everywhere I go, no matter how cool, my loneliness comes with me?

But then I realize that I'm not really alone, not ever - and it's not because I live in a warm fuzzy awareness of the Divine presence or something, because let's be honest, I'm not that spiritual. It is because I am deeply, humblingly aware of how much help I have had to get even this far in life, how much support and unconditional love it takes to get me through every singe day, up to and including this one. Even though they aren't with me, I walk all day with my family.

and now, the hard part. (or, GAH YETIS ARE EVERYWHERE)

Hello, my lovely readers.
While I have not actually been ambushed and devoured by yetis cleverly disguised as snowdrifts (or rather, it being 86 degrees in Chicago today, city buses), it is certainly beginning to feel like it.

We all know that moving to a new place - and following your dreams, and being a grownup, and blah blah blah all those associated things - is hard. People who have done so tell you this all the time. It is a widely accepted fact in most of the circles I move in, including but not limited to theatre people, middle-class folk, recent college grads, and In-Denial Twelve-Year-Olds Anonymous.
What most of us don't realize until it is much, much too late, is that simply being told this is not doing diddly to prepare us for the reality. We think, "Okay, it's gonna be hard. That's okay! I will be strong! I will believe in myself! I am a Strong, Independent, More-Or-Less-Grown-Up Professional, and I can totally do this!"

Hold up there, tiger. Here are five real for real things that you had better be ready for.
You're welcome.

onward and upward. please, God, don't let the yetis eat me.

Source: fun-gallery.com via Larissa on Pinterest

HOLA, COMERADES.

That is not usually how I begin my blog posts, you are probably aware. Honestly, I stole that just now from Amanda F. Palmer, who writes the rawest most exciting Kickstarter Project Updates ever. (Other Kickstarter-ers: take note!)
I am sitting at someone else's kitchen table, in South Chicago, at 7:30 in the evening (which for me, since I have hardly slept since for the last two days, feels like 2 in the morning), and I thought I was tired until I read her post about what she's been up to.

(Oh, and that link is, if you scroll down far enough, quite NSFW.)

I stand corrected. I am far from really, truly tired. I am merely fortitudinally inconvenienced, that's all.

MORE updates on various endeavors! (now with 25% more endeavors and a 300% increase in funny pictures!)

Right, so I feel that the title of this blog post may require some explanation.

Over the course of my blogging existence, Blogger.com has been keeping tabs on my stats - things like where my site traffic comes from, where my audience is reading from (as of today, I seem to have almost as many readers in Russia as I do in the U.S. - thanks, Russia!), and which posts they view the most.

This last, in particular, is incredibly unpredictable. Today I looked up and saw that my most popular post of all time - all time, mind you, since this little cactus' very beginnings - is this one.

Dear readers. I love you. But I have to admit, you mystify me.
Don't get me wrong; it's great that you find my life-updates so interesting! But...what about the koala bears? The combovers? What about Magic Bracelet man? Has everyone forgotten the Magic Bracelet man???

Source: someecards.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Shameville

The road to Shameville runs thusly.

a lame apology + a video that is the opposite of lame

Hey, guys.

Well, first thing's first - as you've all no doubt noticed, my follow-through could use some work. Like, a lot. Last Wednesday I sat down to write the promised blog post, and my brain froze up like a deer in headlights (and the fact that I hadn't actually done any work that day probably didn't help). You ever get that thing, you know, that really really lame thing, where you're so scared of screwing up that you don't try in the first place?

Yep. That's pretty much my M.O. Am working on it. But it still crops up from time to time. I'm sorry about that, and I'll try to do better moving forward.

ANYway, on to much cooler things, yes?

tech week: day one

Source: tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Hello, friends. This week, I have two papers, three tests, three job applications and a truckload of reading due. Oh, also: it's tech week.

(Last week was spring break. I got to sleep a lot and go to Chicago. It was great. It's gone now.)

Given the circumstances, every day this week I'm going to post a silly picture that may or may not be accompanied by ranting, raving, and, if the spirit moves, general inappropriateness. You have been warned. Happy Monday.

Monday smarts - "How to Talk to Girls"

Good morning! Ready or not, it's Monday. Here are a few pearls of wisdom to get you started off right. We should all be this smart someday.

on faith / sex

***Warning: this post has content that some of you may find offensive. Please realize that it's written with the intent to amuse, and is in no way intended to be insulting, dirty, or vaguely blasphemous. (Boy, I bet you're interested now.) See this? This is my tongue in my cheek. Note it. Thanks!***


"You'll just have to have faith about it..."
"I'm really struggling with my faith right now..."
"We just need to walk in faith..."

Question: What do all these phrases have in common?
Answer: They're CLICHES. They're BORING. Most of all, they're so often said in a way that is trite, insincere, and incredibly, drippingly PIOUS.

a quick look backwards

Hello, friends!

Well, here we are, just a couple of days from 2012. I thought for awhile about trying to pull together some kind of Best-Of post, but honestly, my year wasn't nearly that simple.

hope?

Source: bitsotruth.blogspot.com via Lauren on Pinterest

But the real question is, how much do my professors really care about "trying" vs. "succeeding"?

It's been a rotten week for grades, friends. But hey - at least it's Friday!

...cue sheepish entrance from stage left...

Of course, it just figures that the only thing motivating me to show my face back here is the fact that I've got a paper to procrastinate about.

Hi, guys!

I'm alive. I'm reading new and exciting things. A lot has happened since I posted last, and most of you have probably moved on to livelier blog-followings, but for anyone who's still holding out, I appreciate you!

SO META

Last post of the day, guys ... promise ...

Okay, so I just have to share some of the blogs I have been reading with you guys. I blame them entirely for how long it has been (before today, I mean) since I blogged last - I have been trawling through these guys and thinking, "Oh my goodness, how can I become this awesome?!"

(This issue probably has a lot to do with the fact that the majority of the blogs I read have a clear central topic, and here in cactus-town, we definitely don't. But that's a prickly problem for another time.)

Anyway, here's my internet reading list. Enjoy! Click on stuff! And let me know what you think.

it's the little things

...like, free shoes on the green room table at the end of the workday/night. "Free For Taking!" Um, OK.

GAH! LOVE!!!