Street Harassment Ain’t No Thang (and other lies that I tell myself, in order to avoid having, like, emotions)

“Hey, hey girl. Sit down. I’m givin’ you my seat.”

This from a skinny man on the train who was, apparently, determined to get my attention. I was wearing my biggest shades and my headphones and toting my usual twenty-pound Show Bag*, just like any other day on the red line. Let the record show that I was also looking pretty good, although it might have just been the new dress and unexpectedly good hair day going to my head.

For whatever reason – possibly because I was only four stops from my destination, possibly because I didn’t feel like giving this guy an excuse to keep talking to me – I just didn’t feel like sitting. So I smiled, shook my head, and went back to looking away and out the window.

It would seem that, for some people, this is a huge insult.

Or so you would think, as I spent the rest of my train ride being loudly and insistently asked to take my headphones out, whether I was ‘looking for a man’, whether I was a ‘good and decent woman’ who knew how to treat one, and, finally, loudest of all, whether I was ‘one of those dykes.’

it's only been...what, two months?

Holy crap.
*awkward cough* Well, I have been away for awhile, now, haven't I? Just walked off for the paper one day and never came back. Awkward.

HI GUYS! (If indeed any of you are still reading here.)

So, updates:

1. I am currently in the middle of experiencing my first Chicago winter. Wheeee! Currently, I believe there is less than a foot of snow outside, so that's not so bad, but I think all my boots and pant-hems are going to be salt-stained forever.

2. Am stage managing a show called Body of Water at Redtwist Theatre. Today, I got my comp tickets - six for previews, two for the run. I am secretly hoping my parents can come for the run, but if anyone wants to come to a preview night of my show, come get it!

3. Job searching again. I'm still employed at the clothing store, and it's lovely, but have reentered the market for something better. Aside from the overall cost of living/paying off my loans, I need to start saving up because...

4. I hope to be moving this summer! Not far; still in Chicago and in all likelihood within walking distance of where I am now. But I plan to be sharing an apartment with an old friend. The specifics are super-secret yet, since nothing is really quite planned/worked out. But. It will be REALLY exciting if we can pull it off, and I will most likely not be able to shut up about it.

5. Also (and you must have known this was coming, surely),
HAPPY THOR'S DAY.

Nice hammer, sweetheart.

6. PS Boston was AWESOME.
...
Anyway, I hope to get back to posting, at least off and on. I realized recently that this blog is pretty much the only way half my folks from home still know I'm alive and not, I dunno, starving to death in an alley somewhere (not yet!).
If you're so inclined, you should leave a comment and tell me what's been new and exciting in your lives while I've been away!

someday...

Someday, I will have reached the level in my field - I'm thinking Cirque du Soleil or similar - where I know Exactly What I'm Doing, and every day I go in to work will look/sound like this.



For now, I just go around playing Fort Minor on my iPod. On repeat. All day.

today is an excellent day.

For the following reasons:

1. My Amanda Palmer CD came.

It's just. So. I can't even. ACK.
GORGEOUSNESS.

things are looking up!

Happy Saturday, everyone!

This blog post brought to you by: I GOT A JOB.

Source: mizozo.com via Paige on Pinterest

Starting sometime next week (or whenever Human Resources contacts me about training), my days will be spent selling eco-friendly clothes to hipsters in Lincoln Square. I'm excited to start; my new boss seems like a pretty great person, one of the few that didn't look confused when I said "Yes, and I'm also a stage manager," in the job interview. Plus, the store is about 15 minutes (ten minutes walking, five on the bus) from my apartment, and it is surrounded by: a coffee shop next door, two bookstores across the street, a frozen-yogurt place down the block, and a Payless around the corner. And if you walk down far enough, there is also a movie theater. Across from the Starbucks. Because there's always a Starbucks.

(Sure is a good thing they aren't paying me in cash.)

and now, the hard part. (or, GAH YETIS ARE EVERYWHERE)

Hello, my lovely readers.
While I have not actually been ambushed and devoured by yetis cleverly disguised as snowdrifts (or rather, it being 86 degrees in Chicago today, city buses), it is certainly beginning to feel like it.

We all know that moving to a new place - and following your dreams, and being a grownup, and blah blah blah all those associated things - is hard. People who have done so tell you this all the time. It is a widely accepted fact in most of the circles I move in, including but not limited to theatre people, middle-class folk, recent college grads, and In-Denial Twelve-Year-Olds Anonymous.
What most of us don't realize until it is much, much too late, is that simply being told this is not doing diddly to prepare us for the reality. We think, "Okay, it's gonna be hard. That's okay! I will be strong! I will believe in myself! I am a Strong, Independent, More-Or-Less-Grown-Up Professional, and I can totally do this!"

Hold up there, tiger. Here are five real for real things that you had better be ready for.
You're welcome.

onward and upward. please, God, don't let the yetis eat me.

Source: fun-gallery.com via Larissa on Pinterest

HOLA, COMERADES.

That is not usually how I begin my blog posts, you are probably aware. Honestly, I stole that just now from Amanda F. Palmer, who writes the rawest most exciting Kickstarter Project Updates ever. (Other Kickstarter-ers: take note!)
I am sitting at someone else's kitchen table, in South Chicago, at 7:30 in the evening (which for me, since I have hardly slept since for the last two days, feels like 2 in the morning), and I thought I was tired until I read her post about what she's been up to.

(Oh, and that link is, if you scroll down far enough, quite NSFW.)

I stand corrected. I am far from really, truly tired. I am merely fortitudinally inconvenienced, that's all.

MORE updates on various endeavors! (now with 25% more endeavors and a 300% increase in funny pictures!)

Right, so I feel that the title of this blog post may require some explanation.

Over the course of my blogging existence, Blogger.com has been keeping tabs on my stats - things like where my site traffic comes from, where my audience is reading from (as of today, I seem to have almost as many readers in Russia as I do in the U.S. - thanks, Russia!), and which posts they view the most.

This last, in particular, is incredibly unpredictable. Today I looked up and saw that my most popular post of all time - all time, mind you, since this little cactus' very beginnings - is this one.

Dear readers. I love you. But I have to admit, you mystify me.
Don't get me wrong; it's great that you find my life-updates so interesting! But...what about the koala bears? The combovers? What about Magic Bracelet man? Has everyone forgotten the Magic Bracelet man???

Source: someecards.com via Lauren on Pinterest

many hats

Source: vixenvintage.blogspot.com via Simone on Pinterest

Although I like to identify as a theatre professional now (does it count as professional if you have yet to be paid?), I still find myself doing a lot of things that have nothing to do with theatre, for the sake of a paycheck.

Now, for example. I'm a composition tutor Monday - Thursday mornings, and I work in catering on the weekends. Neither of these qualifies as a full-time job (the tutoring gig is only for a few weeks), but they bring in reliable money utilizing my non-theatre skills, and so I'm happy to have them.

I suspect I will have these kinds of jobs, off and on, for most of my life.

tech week, day seven: long live tech week

Source: thedaybookblog.com via Lauren on Pinterest

[Oh, I hope not, Psychotic Baby. I sincerely hope not.]

Well, friends, this is about the end of it - after tonight, we're into show week.
As with most of the shows I've worked on, it seems simultaneously an eternity and no time at all since we first started. And now it's nearly over! Surreal. Especially since this will be my last show here at Truman (#10, at least?), before I graduate and go on to (hopefully) bigger and better things. It's a bit bittersweet, I guess, if you look at it that way.

Anyway, let's not get bogged down in the Scary Future Thinkings. Here are 10 things I learned during tech week for No Exit.

tech week: day three

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

Lately I've been getting a lot of comments along the lines of, "Wow, I love how laid-back you are," and "Thanks for not freaking out about this!" and "Sorry, I'm late/forgot/don't know my shit ... please don't hurt me ... wait, seriously? You're not gonna hurt me?"

Here's the secret, kids: I keep it cool so that when I do give up and break out the Serious Bizness face, you will know that it is Serious Bizness Time For Freaking Real.
Seriously.
Because if I should ever actually lose it, it must be important - right?

7 things

...that have been awesome about today.

Source: smleggett.blogspot.com via Emily on Pinterest

success!

Source: failblog.org via Kimberly on Pinterest

Last night was the culmination of almost a semester's work of work for me, my amazing stage manager and our lovely actors, as the one-act play I directed, "The Blueberry Hill Accord", went up for performance!

7 things

...that I have learned in the last seven days.

1. Line notes may be tedious, but if you can get past that, they don't have to be difficult.

2. Professional actors work hard. Like, really hard. And they sacrifice a lot to do what they do.

forward thinking

For those of you who may not be aware: I have an internship for this summer!!!
(Well, two months of it, anyway. They're not paying me, so two months is all I could afford:-P)

attention, please...

I HAVE A SHOW TO WORK ON.

*cue ticker-tape, brass bands, dancing in the streets*

It's called "Comrades" and I have yet to read it, but it's about two poor Italian anarchists in America in the 1920s. The director (Rob) is a student at Kingston, and I contacted him a couple days ago when I first saw the flyer in the theater building, calling for actors and techies and an SM, ASAP. When I showed up to talk to him today, we chit-chatted for a few minutes (mostly about my SMing experience/style), and he hired me on the spot.

!!!!!!!
I am slightly excited about this. Auditions are continuing tomorrow, so I'll be going up to campus to sit in on those...and we perform for three nights at the end of March. It's a fairly tech-heavy show. I'm anticipating a challenge.

I am now full of both ferocity and purpose. Much like Batman. Or Snape.

Note: I did NOT draw this, I found it someplace on the internet - if you know who the artist is, please let me know so I can credit them!

That is all. FOR NOW.

I don't have epiphanies. Just mental housecleanings.

I read my bits of Acts and Philippians today…and I don’t know, somewhere between “be anxious for nothing” and “I count all things loss for Christ,” it hit me that if going to grad school for stage management, heck, if having a career in stage management isn’t going to or can’t be an act of love and worship for me – if it’s really all about late nights, too much caffeine, and sweating the small stuff…then why would I do it?

I’m not expressing myself well.

Anything that becomes too big and defining a part of one’s identity, save belonging to and with and in Christ, is going to become burdensome eventually. I have been there. Babysitter, best friend, stage manager – these are all good things, and I have abused them and suffered the consequences! I should know this by now. But maybe it took this semester to bring it home; maybe I needed this particular intersection of events to help me realize that stage management is not who I am, it is how I worship. Just like my relationships. Just like all my other work, anything I care about at all. When it tries to become more than that – when I start stressing about my Whole Future hanging on my abilities and all-inclusive drive in this area – we run into trouble.

What’s the verse? “I led her into dry places, where there is no water…and there I spoke tenderly to her.” Possibly Ezekiel. Or Song of Songs. Either way, I understand: God needs to take us into the desert for us to come out of our stupid blindness and finally turn to him, plugging ourselves in to his goodness and beauty and richness for all our needs, otherwise we are taken in by the excitement of other things, not realizing (we are very shortsighted) that everything must needs come back to him, and when we try to detach it and make it just our own, for our fulfillment in itself, it will wither and die.

Unless I have offered up my life as a sacrifice to be taken away, broken, killed and burnt first, it is of no use, to me or anyone else. I have to give it to Him in order for Him to entrust it to me, richer and better fed than before.

You may wonder what provoked this particular post. Well, it turns out that DePaul doesn’t actually offer stage management as a graduate study program. I was confused or misinformed somehow; they have it for undergraduate, but their graduate program is actually quite different. There was something about having all my rosy-starred expectations imploded in this way that made me stop and think, and realize how heavily I have been leaning on this future career to give me some fulfillment in life. And then, of course, we ran up against some basic assumptions and presumptions that I didn’t even know I had. Which train of thought has been none too pleasant, but is always good.

I’m still in love with Chicago, though. And I still want to work and live there; I’m still turning over ideas and theaters in my head. But now I’m thinking more seriously about what I’m expecting to get out of this, what I need to do for that meaning or fulfillment, and I’m wondering about ministry. I'm surprised I've never seriously thought about this before, actually - I think all the happiest, most content people I know have some area of ministry and/or sacrifice evident in their lives.

Sorry to leave you hanging at Michigan Avenue, by the way. In future, I will know to write my adventure-days all in one go, then post them in parts – otherwise they never get done at all. If anyone is really dying to know what else happened (doubtful), though, leave me a comment:) 

...because going online and rambling about nothing is lame. That's what God invented journals for.

Hey!
All the cool kids’ blogs have a theme. Maybe I should have a theme, too.
(The following is a list of things I like/care/know enough about that they would qualify as regular topics for Valentine and I.)

-stage managing (not just for theatre)
-coffeeshops (and everything associated)
-steampunk (because you cannot possibly have enough steampunk. ever.)
-good books (self explanatory)
-alleys (more fun than you think)

Valentine and I will give this some thought. Stay tuned for further developments…in the mean time, here is a picture of my sister.