I'm not complaining, mind. But some days I still have trouble adjusting to the fact that my life is so mobile these days. It's a good thing - I now know much more about packing light, being flexible and not getting attached to my possessions than I ever did before - but also a really challenging thing - every once in awhile, I start to wonder if I spend too much time away, and whether all my friends will just forget about me! Silliness, I know. But I've discovered that my community is really, really important to me, and man do I ever miss it when I don't have one.
Sometimes I wonder, though, if all this travelling I've been doing isn't essentially self-centered, like maybe even despite all the great bits of studying abroad (and they are many), doing this internship, college and other things associated with leaving the nest, so on and so forth, something more essential might be missing. I mean, the main person benefiting from all this is me, isn't it? Which I am hugely thankful for, especially considering all the work and support other people have put into helping me on.
But. You know, there's always a 'but'. I still think I might be missing the point somewhere.
No doubt this has something to do with the fact that three of my siblings are doing three separate missions trips this summer (my 17-year-old sister is going to Peru! my parents must be going soft), and they'll be doing things like feeding babies and building houses, whereas I spent my time abroad touring monuments and seeing plays. And I've been reading people like Keturah Weathers, who is both a beautiful human being and a terrible destructive force for one's complacency. Not to mention that my family switched to a new church in my studying-abroad absence (that's an entire story all by itself, really), one that is both joyful and matter-of-fact in its constant emphasis on outreach, service, and being an active part of the world outside the Suburban Christianity bubble.
So here I sit, with the after-school Real World looming, and my shaky plans for succeeding in it (grad school, job connections, career-building, etc) stacked around me like a lego fortress, and I'm thinking, "Well, shoot. The heck am I doing here?"
(This is not the blog post I sat down to write. Hmm.)
So, what does this have to do with my internship? I'm not sure, to be honest. I'm still excited (and a little scared) about it. I still think it's going to be worth it, and I know I'll learn a lot. But besides the job training, the skills and connections I hope to get, I think that maybe, just maybe, my goals for the rest of this summer have changed a bit.
I stole this quote from Ketura's blog earlier today - despite the obvious cliches about "finding oneself" that could be pulled out if it, I think it does a better job of talking about what I'm trying to, and I don't think she'll mind if I share it with y'all. (Original source is here.)
Thanks for reading, friends.