31 December 2011

that time

It's that time again, boys and girls.
Last year, I made (and shared) some New Year's resolutions for the first time in my life. Most years, I haven't bothered, because a) my goals and desires fluctuate a lot, and b) I can't fail at something I haven't admitted to trying - right?

(One's at least an understandable excuse, but the other is just really lame. So I'm going to try not to use it anymore.)

Last post, I told you a bit about my 2011, so I won't bore you with any drawn-out reflections. But I will say that it was a pleasant surprise to look back at the resolutions I made, and realize that I may have actually sort of indirectly and occasionally succeeded in them. Here, have a look and tell me what you think.

2011 Resolution #3: Look for opportunities to learn new things.
Um, yeah. A semester abroad taught me tons of new things about myself, and how to travel well, and just how similar Italian and Spanish can be when you're desperate, and how to cook for myself, and that no matter how much I love my boyfriend, I need my space on a regular basis, lest I murder us both.
Then there was the internship with the ASC, where I learned about church - specifically, what's really important about it. (hint: it's not the preacher's haircut or how catchy the music is.) I also learned a ton about working in a professional theatre, and pacing myself, and staving off loneliness.
Last semester, of course, I learned how much harder I can study. I learned (just a little, granted) how to be spontaneous. I learned how to manage authority, and how it is sometimes okay (or necessary) to set aside the time to have a meltdown. Even if it is the third/fourth/eighth one of the semester.

2011 Resolution #2: Take risks. Especially on people.
Some of you may be surprised to know that I'm really insecure about making friends - I worry intensely about whether people are comfortable around me, how I can be more approachable, whether or not I'm constantly making a fool of myself. Specifically, I am really bad at girl friends. Part of it, I think, is just an intense and irrational fear that I'm not good enough; that I'll ruin the friendship. Probably the rest is my own natural awkwardness:-P
But this year, I made (or got to know better) some really great girl friends, some in real life, some just through their blogging or Skype/email. Much love to you, Liz, Alicia, Lauren, Natasha, Laura, Jessie, Paige, and all the rest who made my life so rich this year. You are BEAUTIFUL and I am so, so thankful for you.

2011 Resolution #1: Seek the truth.
So, yeah...this one is a little vague and pretentious-sounding and difficult to quantify. A textbook example of how not to frame a New Year's resolution, you might say. But in retrospect, I think I did this too. I may not have gone on any big Spirit Journeys this last year, but I didn't kid myself about things as much as I used to. I asked some hard questions of myself, like, what do I really believe about life, the universe, and everything? What do I seriously intend to do with my time here? What do I seriously want?
No, they're not all answered. But I'm working on it, and I think I'm already better for the effort. The adventure, as they say, continues.

Without any further ado, here are my resolutions for 2012.

1. Be more positive.
(I can always think of lots of reasons not to do things, or why they won't work. I think it's about time to try the other way for awhile.)

2. Invest in my gifts.
(I have this habit of downplaying the things I'm interested in - or could be interested in - that don't have immediate and practical value. This year, I want to change that.)

3. Wrestle with my beliefs.
(I could have said "my faith" instead, but this involves a lot more than just that. If I'm brave, I'll be talking about this semi-regularly next year. The bottom line, though, is that I have too many things that I claim to believe in - or, conversely, condemn -  that I haven't actually looked at. That was more or less OK back in grade school, but it's time to be grown up now.)

That's all I've got. Thanks for reading, friends, and Happy New Year!

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